Lost Love Dream

Funny, today I had a dream  

You dressed as a woman

Speaking at a women’s symposium

About finances

You know nothing about

I was irked when you skirted a question

I really wanted to hear the answer 

At some point I got close enough to you to say 

I liked your wig

You had the ugliest beige grandma shoes

Mrs. Doubtfire was better than you

Later at a gathering you got my attention 

poking me in the side

Your wig was askew

I couldn’t get far enough away from you

Dust

Small specks of dust

Illuminate the light 

Of voices unseen 

Forging ahead 

In the darkness 

With memories of

Our ancestors 

And stories of 

our ancestors’ ancestors 

A candle keeps watch 

Amid the faded image 

Of their likeness 

May I walk the earth 

To carry their visage

To make their memory

Whole 

Invisible

Scanning the downtown skyline

Oakland, California

The Tribune Tower stands tall

marking the blocks where business turns 

Inside the city landscape

the clock marks off time of long ago

What’s below the elegant structure?

Do you see the dirty sidewalks

Illuminated by a full moon

Gutters filled with a river of refuse

escaping to the underground sewer

Sidewalks cracked with uneven payment

A small wind sends a chill

over the bundle huddled

in the entryway of an abandoned storefront

Nearby books are stacked inside safe

No use for the homeless man 

making the streets his home

His silent eyes peer into nothingness 

Another lonely sleepless night

Invisible 

Happier Days

Riding BART home from Berkeley
Writing in my journal
Longing for happier days
Passing by my favorite movie theater
Smelling the delicious buttery popcorn
Remembering time with my most recent lover

Myriad times we made the trip
Into culturally diverse Berkeley
Local independent movies
Visuals beget a new world view
Foreign dialogue music to my ears
Full of unfamiliar voices

Finding I'm on the wrong train
Writing this poem, so engrossed
Yearning for happier days
Loving my lover who went away
Waiting for the right train to take me home

Rise

Fatigue gets to me

Ennui holds me back

Unkind words hurt my soul
I shall rise

To be bolder 

Accepting my circumstances 

Choosing friends 

Full of heart

Writing poems 

soothes my soul 

As trusted confidants 

bring me to a better light 

The sun shall rise everyday 

I choose to rise like  

Sunshine 

Waiting

Weeping for a breath of fresh air
Mystical rain on my cheeks
Bones tired wanting rest
Mind swallowed by elusive eyesight
Feet moving unbalanced
Sounds making blank static
My beating heart muffled

Out of touch
Wanting more
Getting less
Waiting patiently

Supposing my ills will transform with relief

The Nation’s Fool

Today is a national holiday
Our nation’s leader
Is not even a Shakespearean fool
Happy Day of Fools
Keep your wits about you.

Out Of Grasp

I try hard
to overcome hurdles
fast approaching
Yet in every sense of the word 
I feel like a failure
Get closer to the prize
Before it slips away
Buy that lottery ticket
    full of hope    fingers crossed

Pinching pennies to pay the rent 
Swinging high     but not enough 
to release all my troubles 
Running to catch the bus 
watching it go by
the bus stop    a mere 500 feet away

Grasping a beautiful rose
pricking my fingers
Luscious plump berries
hiding behind a cave of thorns 
Extending my hand toward
ripe fruit on the tree
avocados, apricots, pomegranates

The car breaking down
before the next paycheck 
Speeding reading the library book 
finishing after due date
Are late fees a sin?

Needing more drugs
to stave off depression
I feel like I’m running
behind the pack
I wake up each day
to start anew
I put a smile on my face
to fake it

All my insecurities and woes
put into a bottomless pot
shoved high above on the shelf 
Yet    still within reach
Why can’t my uncertainties be out of grasp?

Does the imposter syndrome ever find a cure?